


Don’t Go Into The Shed After School

by AssassinatingTearribly



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Cursed, M/M, The infamous shed, caught ya boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21782029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssassinatingTearribly/pseuds/AssassinatingTearribly
Summary: Sugino catches Karma and Nagisa doing things in the sex shed.
Relationships: Akabane Karma/Shiota Nagisa
Comments: 30
Kudos: 282





	1. Caught Red-Faced

**Author's Note:**

> be careful what you fish for

Every past and present student at Kunugigaoka Junior High knows that the sports shed is a well-known hook-up spot. Easy access is the only perk of being on the mountain campus. Sugino had heard this too, of course, so he shouldn’t have been so surprised, maybe... 

_No, there was no way he couldn’t have freaked out!!_

Even though he knew about the shed’s infamous history, he never expected it to be a problem. It hadn’t been all year, and it was only a few months until graduation. So, when he went to get a baseball mitt and ball that afternoon, like normal, he swung the door wide open without a second thought. The next second, his jaw dropped.

There was Nagisa, his best friend, and Karma, his other friend, in what Sugino could only describe as a _compromising position_. 

They were visibly making out, in a position very similar to the chokehold that had won the civil war. Sugino’d only vaguely registered back then that the move was a bit... _compromising_ by itself. With kissing added, it was undoubtably - he wanted to wipe his brain - _compromising_.

In non-Sugino terms, they were violently dry-grinding while Nagisa somehow choked Karma and kissed him deeply at the same time. They were so lost in the heat, it took them a moment to realise they had company. 

Eventually, Karma’s eyes snapped open and stared straight into Sugino’s soul. He tried to run, to turn away, but he was frozen to the spot. There was an obvious threat in those eyes.

Karma pinched Nagisa’s back to get his attention and gestured towards the horror-struck boy in the doorway. Nagisa moaned in complaint - a sound Sugino never wanted to hear again - and hazily looked behind his shoulder. For a beat, he just stared at Sugino, until it all came crashing down and he remembered that _an assassin doesn’t hesitate_. He practically leaped off Karma like he had a deadly virus. Well, if he does, Nagisa has it too now.

“W-WE WERE ONLY PRACTICING!” he blurted out, red-faced.

“I DON’T WANT TO KNOW!” Sugino yelled back before slamming the shed door behind him. He was going to have to bang his head against a wall for hours to get that image out. In fact, why not get started now? 

———

Maehara strolled casually to one of his regular hook-up spots: the shed. It was easy since everyone knew where it was, and it was slightly hidden amongst the trees. Not a high chance of Koro-sensei seeing or being seen himself.

As he turned the corner, he found Sugino banging his head against a tree, muttering something like, “Why Karma, why Karma, why-“

Maehara frowned but decided to just ignore him. If he knocked himself out, Maehara would deal with that on the way back. He continued to the shed and quickly slid inside.

His eyes widened in surprise. Karma was lying on a mat, watching Nagisa pace back and forth in front of him. Were they dealing with some sort of crisis or-

“Yo, sorry I didn’t realise anyone was in here,” Maehara said, getting their attention.

Karma laughed a bit. “This place is pretty busy today.”

Maehara blinked. As far as he knew, he was the only one who used the shed regularly. He’d certainly never seen Karma here, he would’ve noticed that. “Well, it’s about to get dirty in here, so could you two-“

“No, it’s not!” Nagisa yelped, not pacing anymore.

“Eh?” Great, now even Nagisa was reprimanding him.

“It’s not a big deal, Nagisa,” Karma said, earning him a glare. 

“What happened in here?” Maehara asked. It couldn’t be that they-

“Sugino caught us making out.”

“Eh?!” Despite how surprised he sounded, he couldn’t say he didn’t see it coming. They really went at it during that fight.

“Karma!” Nagisa went red.

Maehara smirked and pulled out his phone. It wasn’t too late to change his hook-up location. The forest would do just as well. “I’ll leave you to it, then~”

“No, no, wait, we-” Nagisa’s voice was cut off as Maehara exited the shed.

———

“He’s going to tell everyone now, you know,” Nagisa said, dreading the worst. Nakamura would never stop talking about this.

“I know,” Karma grinned. He pulled Nagisa down again. “Now, where were we~”

Nagisa tried to stand up but Karma’s grasp only tightened. He sighed, then smiled. “Fine.”

Nobody was going to disturb them again, anyway.


	2. Sheds Are Made of Metal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be careful what you listen for

Korosensei was flying off campus, when he smelled something unusual coming from the direction of the infamous sex shed. That’s right, he knew about it. Of course he knew: Maehara snuck back there nearly every day after class. As his teacher, it was important for Korosensei to know about all his students’ hookups. For completely educational purposes, of course.

He decided to investigate, for educational purposes. For all he knew, two of his students were going at it and he wasn’t there to watch-

No, he meant he wasn’t there to give proper condom direction! Safe sex is important! As much as he would like an unplanned pregnancy, his students were much too young and he wouldn’t be around to savour the drama- _to help_ for long!

He landed on the roof of the sex shed and put his nose against it _to smell for any unsafe sex_ happening inside. His diarrhoea-pill-like nostrils filled with the strong odour of metal and metal. No, wait, he could _hear_ loud death metal music coming from inside, drowning out any other possible sound. Korosensei felt really disappointed, then, because all the possible sounds he could think of weren’t being picked up by his ears... or his nostrils. There was only one thing he could do: guard the shed until whoever were inside _finished_.

He quickly changed into his emergency cop uniform and stationed himself outside the door. To his delight, he could now smell the distinct scent of sex wafting out from under the door. With his exquisite sense of smell and close capacity to the source, he could determine exactly which students of his were getting down and dirty.

His nostrils extended as he began his educational investigation. There was a bold aroma of caramel with a hint of jalapeño, in terms of the closest real things he could compare them to. Humans all had very complicated smells, but he could recognise everyone that he was familiar with by scent alone. These two specific scents belonged to Nagisa and Karma. Wait-

Wha- Wha- Wha- What?! It couldn’t be! It was in that moment, that Korosensei found himself in a gay panic. _WHAT ABOUT HIS SHIPS?!_ He knew those two were close enough to practically dry-hump out in the open but he never expected anything to come from that! At most, he imagined they might high-five during a climatic event.

Korosensei spent the next 5 minutes contemplating everything he’d ever seen Karma and Nagisa do together. He almost didn’t notice Sugino approaching with a very scared look on his face. It couldn’t be that Sugino was joining in too?! He had to stop that! Threesomes are far too dangerous. If someone got pregnant, they wouldn’t know who the father was! In his pregnant panic, he completely forgot about his gay panic. “S-SUGINO-KUN, DON’T GET ANYONE PREGNANT! I HAVE CONDOMS!” He threw a bunch of multicoloured condoms in the air.

Sugino stopped walking and reached up for the red condom that landed on his head. “What is this-“ His eyes bulged out of their sockets and he threw it far away from himself. “WHY DID YOU THROW CONDOMS AT ME, KOROSENSEI?!”

“DON’T THROW THEM AWAY! PRACTICE SAFE SEX!!” Korosensei threw even more condoms, and many landed in Sugino’s hair. By chance, they were all blue, causing him to look like he had blue hair. From that day on, Korosensei thought of him as ‘Blueberry’.

The boy froze and went bright red. To think that Korosensei thought he was about to have sex here of all places! Then, Sugino remembered that they were standing outside the sex shed, the place where that _compromising situation_ happened three weeks ago. Every time he’d had to go inside since, he’d knocked and waited five minutes before entering. It was a bit inconvenient, but necessary in order to not trigger more nightmares. He took a deep breath. “Korosensei, I am not going in there to do that!”

Korosensei the bodyguard nodded. “Damn right you’re not, young man. It’s currently occupied. No admittance beyond this point.”

Sugino paled. “Are _they_ in there again?”

“Tell me clearly who you mean, boy, and I’ll check the guest list.”

“Nagisa... and Karma.”

Korosensei went pink and snapped out of whatever weird role play state of mind he’d been stuck in. “Yes, yes, they are in there! Making sweet, sweet love.” He gazed into the distance.

Sugino started to back away slowly. “How do you know? They could just be in a compromising position.”

Green stripes appeared on Korosensei’s head. “I can smell it. My sense of smell is far superior to yours.”

“Okay, sir. Whatever you say.” Sugino slipped back into the forest, very noticed.

“Wait, don’t leave!” Korosensei called after him. “I’ll get lonely!”

Sugino ran away as fast as he fucking could, leaving a trail of blue condoms in his wake.

———

Inside the sex shed, Karma and Nagisa were busy cleaning up after themselves. 

“Don’t worry,” Karma said. “No one will know once we disinfect everything.”

_Yes, they had sex on everything._

“I’m not sure, Karma.” Nagisa sprayed a baseball mitt (poor Sugino) with potent bleach. “Korosensei has a great sense of smell, and we still don’t know exactly how strong it is. At least the death metal drowned out any noise he could’ve heard.”

“It’ll be fine, Nagisa.”

They spent the next five minutes cleaning up the sex shed, trying to get rid of the smell completely. They couldn’t let Korosensei find out or he’d write an epic erotic tale based on them.

Nagisa walked over to where he’d left his phone, still playing loud death metal. He turned it off and pocketed it, turning back to Karma with a smile. “Let’s practice again soon, Karma!”

Karma died right then. Welcome to his funeral. He nodded dumbly and punched himself in the face, to stop the heat rising to his face.

Alarmed, Nagisa ran over to him. “Karma?!”

He laughed madly. “Just getting a bit more practice in.”

Nagisa frowned and reached for his hand.

That time, Karma couldn’t stop the blush that spread across his cheeks. “Wh-What are you doing?”

Nagisa smiled innocently. “Thumb war?” He took Karma’s hand in his own.

Nagisa’s hand felt soft to Karma, and a warm smile and feeling crept across his face and into his heart. It lasted for a solid few seconds before his eyes widened and he jumped away in horror.

“K-Karma?” Nagisa sadly let his hand drop. Did Karma not want to touch him unless they were _practising_ together?

“It’s nothing!” he said too quickly, squatting down, his back to Nagisa.

“What’s wrong?”

Karma sighed. “Can you throw my bag over here?”

Nagisa did and Karma caught it with one hand, the other covering his crotch. 

“K-Karma, did you...” his voice lowered to a whisper, “wet yourself?”

Karma snapped his head back to look at him. “No.”

“Okay...” Nagisa wanted to believe him.

Another sigh. “I kind of... jizzed in my pants...”

“Oh.” It took a moment for Nagisa’s brain to work again, and he stared in disbelief. “But we practised twice! What would cause that?”

Karma absolutely did not want to admit that it was from holding hands with him. “It was the sudden silence...”

“Huh?” Nagisa sweatdropped. _Really, Karma?_

Before either could say anything else, Korosensei rushed in, changed Karma’s pants and slammed the door behind him.

Karma and Nagisa looked at each other with equally dead expressions, and nodded in silent agreement. They needed to find a new place to practise.

———

And so ends another tale of the infamous sex shed. Some say - only Sugino - they can still hear death metal playing on particularly windy days, or in their nightmares. Again, only Sugino.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what to think of this.
> 
> Please comment your most creative hate comments. Unoriginal ones will be deleted.

**Author's Note:**

> Ey
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](https://assassinatingtearribly.tumblr.com/) at assassinatingtearribly. I’m always up for talking about AssClass :)


End file.
